The Undead Also Pay Taxes

With sources of income, vampires can now purchase that Ralph Lauren matching set they had their eye on

Having never really been interested in the whole vampire thing, I find it interesting that every other new show, book or movie has some kind of vampire related theme.  What is even more interesting is the sub-genreing of the vampire.  Whether it is the adolescent/misunderstood vampire for teens, or the very handsome and ripped yet internally tortured/chronically thirsty vampire for women, or even the vampire who solves crimes (my personal favorite), there is a vampire for everyone’s taste.

Although I would love to go on a tirade about the reemergence of a genre I have no particular interest in, I cannot because my only experience with this nuevo-undead is through the CBS show Moonlight.

What’s CBS you ask?  It’s the bastard cousin on NBC, and on it they have a show called Moonlight in which the main character, Mick, helps to solve various murder mysteries using his uncanny powers of THE LIVING DEAD!!!

When I absently tuned to this program, because PBS was playing a concert with Fats Domino and Fox was playing whatever shit it always plays, I stopped channel surfing and felt glued to this program, partly because it didn’t scream at me and partly because the main actor looks like a less expensive Russell Crowe.  At first, I had no idea vampires were involved, though I could tell something was definitely different about this “Mick”.

He can smell estrogen for one.  “No big deal,” I thought.  “Spiderman probably can too, but he has inhibitions that prohibit him from mentioning it to Mary Jane.”

He can jump from the fourth floor of a building and land on his feet unhurt.  “So what?  So can a cat.  I think.”

He burns quickly in the sun.  “So do most white people.”

When he gets shot, his wounds heal almost instantaneously.  “Wolverine?”  At this point, I am getting suspicious.

When he says, “I’m a vampire.”  Ahhh…the scales have fallen.

I tried for many weeks to avoid the whole new wave of popularity with vampires, but it finally caught up to me, in the form of Moonlight.  I won’t watch another episode, partly because I inherently resist most modes and forms of popular culture and partly because I forgot what day/time it was, but I will admit that I did participate, however remotely, in watching vampires enjoy their moment in the sunshine.

Within a few months or by the end of the year at the most, the undead will return to their graves and wait until some bullshit author “reinvents” the vampire genre once again only to reopen the flood gates to more and more garbage.

My vote?  Zombie sitcom.


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